Star Wars Episode I Comedic Version: Chapter One
by Hudmatron
Summary: This is the first chapter in an extended edition of Star Wars Episode I. It has added jokes and even whole new scenes like Jar Jar's unexplained trial that was mentioned at the beginning of the movie when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan first meet him.


**Star Wars: Episode I**

**Extended edition**

**Chapter 1**

A long, red ship was driven into the hanger bay of a larger craft by two pilots. A communication device activated on a flat screen TV and what appeared to be a nose less old man with a felt crown and red bathrobe began to speak.

"As you can tell, what we are doing is perfectly legal," he said in a deep, scratchy voice.

"Yah, yah, whatever. Jimmy, turn on the sports channel. I don't want to miss the next football game," said the first pilot, whose name was Jonny.

"Okee Dokee," replied Jimmy. When he said this, a small, red astromech droid wheeled in and made a few beeps in reply. "No, not you little guy. I was saying okay to my pal here." He pressed a small red button that said sports on it and the old man, who was not an old man and was a Neimoidian and whose name was Nute Gunray, was immediately cut off.

Some distance away, the sinister and greedy Nute Gunray scowled in disbelief as he tried to reconnect.

"It's not going to work," said one of his comrades, Daultay Dophine.

"Grrrrrr!" Nute murmured.

Meanwhile, two Jedi, Master and apprentice whose names were Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi snuck out of the ship and stepped into a hall. Then they entered a silver room and sat down into a different chair. A shiny, silver protocol droid wobbled in and offered them drinks. They took them with gratitude and began to discuss how they were going to negotiate.

"I know! First, we kill the Neimoidians, and then we murder them!" exclaimed Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan! We're not here to kill them!" shouted back Qui-Gon.

"Okay."

"We're here to negotiate their plans of trade."

"That's it! I know exactly how we can persuade then!"

"WE'RE NOT GOING TO KILL THEM!"

"I know, I know. Here's what we'll do. First we say hello, then, we kill them! It's brilliant!"

"NO!"

"Hmph."

They entered through a small door to begin negotiations. Suddenly, they were met by dangerous droids called Death Balls and began a fight. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon burst into action as the Death Balls began to shoot. The Jedi destroyed them easily and began to destroy the door that led to the control center.

When they destroyed the door, Obi-wan burst in and began killing innocent Neimoidians.

"OBI-WAN! WHAT DID I SAY!?" shouted Qui-Gon, who was very upset by now.

"You said we needed to kill everyone," replied Obi-Wan, stopping in his tracks.

"You are Jedi!" gasped Nute Gunray. "Get them!" His comrades began arming themselves but the Jedi got away.

They boarded an escape pod and went to Naboo.

Some distance away, Jar Jar Binks, a clumsy Gungan, was causing trouble down in Otoh Gunga. A Gungan leader named Tarpals had asked for help in carrying a set of dishes to his house for a party he was hosting. Jar Jar skipped gingerly, not heeding the warnings of the brave and mighty warrior.

"Jar Jar!" screamed Tarpals. Jar Jar had dropped the valuable set of dishes and now little specks of glass littered the ground. "You ought to go on trial if you mess with me again."

"Meesa sorry," replied Jar Jar in a sad tone. He cleaned up the mess and walked away.

Later, Jar Jar saw a lone Gungan struggling with a heavy box.

"Meesa help you," he said sympathetically. He started to grab the box, but his fingers slipped and the box fell on the Gungan he was helping. The Gungan groaned as the box crushed his spine. Jar Jar quickly left before getting into any more trouble.

One day, as Jar Jar was walking around in the undersea city, Tarpals stopped him.

"You are under arrest," he shouted.

"Meesa under arrest?" Jar Jar asked.

"Yes. Your trial will begin immediately."

They swam for awhile until they arrived at the council meeting.

"You are guilty of clumsiness," declared a fat, blubbery Gungan leader.

"Oh no. Yousa must be Boss Nass," said Jar Jar.

"Correct."

"Oh, meesa didn't know this was a quiz." The crowd burst with laughter.

"SILENCE!" shouted Boss Nass.

"Wow. Yousa must be so fat, yousa loud." The crowd continued laughing again, this time even louder than before. "In fact, yousa so fat, yousa look like poop. Yousa need to lose weight." The laughter continued growing ever so louder.

"Grrrrrr!"

"Yousa need to retire. Yousa must be way old, and fat." Everyone continued laughing through all his jokes. "Yousa so fat, you beat William Taft. Although, even after yousa got an extra large bathtub just for yousa, yousa got stuck in that to! Also, Meesa definitely hate the way yousa spit. Meesa can't stand all the blubber that flies everywhere. Meesa hate it."

"ENOUGH! I HERE BY BANISH YOU TO THE OVERWORLD!" Boss Nass declared.

"Oh no." Then, Jar Jar was launched up and out of Otoh Gunga. He landed safely on the lands of Naboo. He started to walk towards the forest when the ground began to tremble and a large vehicle was about to roll right over him.

**Come back next time to read what happens next.**


End file.
